Does this chemo make me look red?

Taxol #3 is in the books, but it came with some added drama this time...a full allergic reaction! Typically if a person is going to have a reaction to Taxol it happens during the first or second treatment. My first treatment was totally fine, my second treatment had a slight reaction, but it was my third treatment when my body revolted. It was about five minutes into the Taxol when my chest tightened, I got really hot, and I turned to Troy to ask if I was red. Yes, he said, I was very red. So, I pulled the emergency cord in my room and the nurses came running! They immediately stopped the Taxol and pumped my body full of additional fluids and Zantac. They eventually started the Taxol again and the rest of the treatment went well. One of the nurses explained what was going on in my body really well: I have antibodies in my body, and they don't like it when the Taxol comes into their territory. They want to fight the Taxol (as well they should, since it is poison after all). I am given Benadryl and/or Zantac before Taxol, because those drugs act as the peacemakers. They make sure that the Taxol and antibodies get along so the Taxol can do its job. I didn't have enough peacemakers when the Taxol got started so the antibodies started fighting, which showed itself as the allergic reaction. So, we'll see what the plan is for Taxol #4 on Friday! If I turn red again I really hope to get a picture.

A couple days ago I received a surprise package in the mail from Angela, which was really thoughtful and contained some great natural skin products for my chemo skin. When I thanked her, Angela explained that she was being conscious of my love languages. How brilliant! I first read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" over ten years ago and the concepts have stayed with me (and Angela, and many others who read the book) over the years and across relationships. Of the love languages, I feel most cared for and loved with quality time and acts of service. Next comes receiving gifts. Then we have words of affirmation and physical touch. So, luckily for Angela, she doesn't need to give me physical touch in order for me to feel her love!

A few people have asked me how the Farrell's work outs have been going. Well, I gave up on that. I know a lot of people found it inspiring that I was going and giving it my all, but it was killing me. There was one workout that made me feel absolutely horrible - like I couldn't get myself off my bed for an hour afterwards - that confirmed that my body can't handle it right now. I know that I could still go and take it easy, but that's not in my nature. If I am there I want to do it all, and then I'll end up feeling horrible again. So, maybe I'll be back when all this is done. Either way, I will always be thankful that Farrell's helped prepare me for my battle against cancer and I will forever recommend that program!

Well, that's it from here! This week brings physical therapy, plastic surgery, a full work week and more chemo. And, of course, the annual DMU holiday party on Friday night. I have a new dress to wear. And the wig just might make an appearance!

Is that a hair I see?

I'm pretty sure that I'm starting to get some new hair on my head. You have to look really closely, and in the right light, but I think I see some new fuzz coming in! I've had a lot of people tell me that they think I would look really cute with short hair. Well, of course I look cute with short hair. I had short hair at one time and it looked nice. Here's your evidence:

 

 

You have me in the middle, rocking my short hair with my dear friends Steven and Jen. This picture was taken back in May 2001 at Steven's college graduation. Will I do this style again? Probably not. I want my old hair back no matter how long it takes to get it.

 

I get to spend Black Friday at chemo, which pretty much stinks. I don't shop on Black Friday, but my family gets together to watch football and then when I get bored I usually take Marah to the zoo. This year I'll be watching the Hawkeyes play if I can stay awake through the Benadryl. Friday will be my third Taxol out of 12. I keep counting down each week but the end isn't approaching fast enough. I really do hate chemo. Even though the side effects right now are not terrible I hate it. Even though the nurses are nice and the process isn't bad I still hate it. I cannot wait to be done.

I have a date!

Monday, February 29, 2016! Today I scheduled my replacement surgery, which will be the last major thing I'll do on my way to cancer recovery. I am so excited to have an end date! Yes, there will be recovery from the surgery and all kinds of follow-up, but for me, it will mark the end of all of this. February 29 is an important date for my family. Is is the day, almost four years ago, that my grandmother passed away. She was 101 years old and lived a very good life. She lived independently up until the last two weeks. She had her mind, her eyes, and her sense of humor all the way until the end. She sometimes said that God had forgotten about her; who ever expects to live to be 101 after all? But she was great, and she is missed, and I am happy to end my cancer journey on the day she left us to leap into heaven.

I scheduled the surgery after meeting with the plastic surgeon for my fifth boob fill. We're getting pretty close to being done with the fills - I'm guessing maybe two or three more. My biggest boob annoyance right now is that they are pretty much in my arm pits. If you look at my boobs from the side they look pretty big, but in the middle they are still small. They will stay like this until surgery, when the doctor will squish things back together. I learned that full recovery from the surgery will be about 6-8 weeks, but I'll feel pretty good after just one week.  I can consider nipple reconstruction three to four months after surgery.

Tomorrow marks my second round of Taxol. The first treatment last week wasn't bad. I didn't really feel any side effects, which was great. I get a little tired, but nothing at all like the fatigue I had from the A/C chemo. Before the nurses administer the Taxol they give me a strong dose of Benadryl to help prevent any allergic reaction. Then, when the Taxol gets started, I have to be monitored for allergic reactions (Troy had to make sure I didn't turn red). The Benadryl really knocked me out, so I'm sure Angela will have a wonderful time tomorrow watching me sleep. As I continue with treatments I likely will experience numbness in my hands and feet and will probably lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. The most delightful possible side effect I learned about is that my fingernails could turn black and fall off. Sounds great.

So, Thanksgiving is next week and I feel like I should share a few things I am thankful for. Here you go:

• I am thankful that I found the cancer when I did, that it was stage one, and that my recovery from surgery went pretty well
• I am thankful for the doctors and nurses who provided care to me in the hospital, but I am most thankful for the patient care techs (CNAs) who had to do the dirty work
• I am thankful for my physical therapist and the way she rubs my boobs
• I am thankful for my workplace for being so flexible with my schedule, and especially to the new leadership in my office for dealing with me (welcome to DMU, I have cancer!) 
• I am so thankful for all of my friends who have gone along this journey with me - Jen, Angela, Angie, Laura, Marianne, Sadie, Alyssa, Lisa, Anna, Layne, Kristin, Liz, and many more
• I am thankful for everyone who has prayed for me
• I am thankful for the new people who have come into my life as a result of cancer
• I am thankful for the overwhelming support of my church community
• I am thankful to live in a place where treatment options are readily available, even though the costs associated with them are ridiculous 
• I am thankful to all the people who provided meals
• I am thankful for my cat, Netflix, the McDonald's drive through, Target, and lots of other little things that brighten my day
• I am thankful for those who still remember to check in on me
• And finally, I am so thankful for my family. My parents have been amazing. My husband has been forced to step up in a way he probably never imagined. My daughter is sweet and shows so much love. And my sister-in-law continues to keep us well fed.

There's a lot more I could add to the list, I'm sure. But in the end, I am most thankful that I will live a long life because that pesky cancer was found early! Ladies, remember to check your boobs!

Taxol

This week I started kickboxing at Farrell's again. During the A/C chemo I had so few mornings when I had good energy that it just wasn't possible for me to go. But this past weekend I felt great, so Monday morning I was back at it. Of course I about died, but it felt good to work out again. I was surprised at how much arm strength I've lost but I know I can re-gain it. I even did push ups and planks, which felt fine at the time but I was pretty swollen Tuesday morning. So, for today's class I skipped the push ups and planks and did ab work instead. My goal is to have a hot body to match the nice boobs I'll get in the spring. And, of course, to be strong. I will admit that I looked pretty badass with my bald head and boxing gloves!

I have been a little nervous lately as I prepare to start Taxol on Friday. I'm told that it is tolerated better than the A/C, but I've also learned to have no expectations based on what others tell me. Of course I hope that I feel fine, I can keep working out and I can go to work four days a week. My fear, though, is that I'll continue to be fatigued and feel bad. One of the common side effects of Taxol is numbness in the arms and legs. What if I am unable to be active? What if I can't even type? Or worse yet, what if I can't hold the fork that is feeding me unending supplies of food? I suppose I'll know soon enough how my body responds.

I'm glad that I've been able to go to work so many days in a row! The environment in my office has changed drastically in the last three months, and it is a good thing. There is new leadership that brings great vision, and I want to be present as new initiatives are planned and want to be able to participate in pretty much everything. I'm excited for where we are going, and Taxol better not hold me back!

So, prayers are welcome for chemo that is tolerated well! :)

Good riddance!

Last Friday was my last A/C chemo treatment! Good riddance to that. The side effects this time around weren't too awful; I haven't had the upset stomach yet, which is odd, but I think I slept the entire weekend. Fatigue was probably at its worst, but I can manage that much better than having an icky stomach.

One way that I describe how I feel after chemo is "high." Some days I feel much more high than others, and yesterday I had my highest day yet. People also call this high "chemo brain", and I had it at its full force. The day started off innocently enough, but quickly went downhill when my physical therapy appointment was cancelled while I was driving to the appointment. I was really annoyed. Who cancels a 9am appointment with a chemo patient anyway? Do they not understand how much work it was to shower and get dressed and leave the house by 8:15am? I was in a bit of a fog while I was driving, and on the way home decided that going to Target would be a great idea. Of course Target is always a great idea, but wandering around the store totally high was really weird. I bought the most random stuff and have no idea why. So, if you want to share a gigantic container of frosted animal crackers with me come on over. I don't really like them. But they seemed like a great idea at the time.

When I got home from Target I needed to write my dad a birthday card. I could barely get my hand to use a pen to write a message. Then I decided that I really needed to eat fried eggs. So I made two eggs and was really happy with myself. I started to clean up the kitchen and then decided that I needed to eat more eggs. So I made more. I'm pretty sure at some point between egg eatings I had a long phone conversation with my mom, but I'm not entirely sure about it. By the time Troy got home for lunch I had started several random projects, never cleaned up my eggs, and was ready to go to bed for the rest of the day. Being high all morning took a lot out of me.

I've been asked several times if I can drink while I am on chemo. The answer is "no", and even if I could I would not want to. I really don't like not feeling normal. I've never been much of a drinker. I was the girl in college pretending to drink at the parties. When I studied aboad in London I would order a pint of Pepsi and said it was the house dark beer. Even in Vegas I couldn't stomach a whole lot. I just don't enjoy not feeling normal. And after so many days of feeling high, I really have no desire to feel that way any time again soon. Plain old normal sounds so great right now!

So, I'm hoping "normal" comes soon. I felt pretty good today, and the next chemo doesn't start for another week and a half.  And maybe, just maybe, the next chemo won't be so bad. I am getting used to how my chest feels - dare I say it is the new normal? I have another fill tomorrow, which is getting to be no big deal at all. I think - I hope - things are looking up!