Church

Chemo really messes with your mind. One minute you're feeling wonderful, the world is great, and chemo actually isn't that bad. And then the next minute you feel like death, this horrible process is never going to end, and nobody loves you. I'm quite sure my close friends are sick of these extreme ups and downs. I'm sick of the ups and downs. Today has been a great day. Sunday was a bad day. Monday I cried in my car all the way to work, but I'm not entirely sure why. I am thankful that Taxol #10 is this week. That means that I am SO CLOSE to being done!

I am also really thankful for my church. The last two Sundays have been quite rough. I wake up feeling fine, but then by the time I get to church I don't think I can sit up through the entire sermon. I actually have no idea what the sermon was about last Sunday, but I do remember our worship pastor saying that you can't love Jesus if you don't love the church. This is so true, and I know I have written before about the importance of belonging to a church community. In the last 10 days my family has been provided with meals by church members on three different occasions and it has been such a blessing. I did nothing to deserve such generosity. In fact, I am not the easiest person to befriend. I'm an extreme introvert and am happy being in my own head most of the time. I am horrible at small talk (although I'll talk to anybody about my boobs who is intersted). Put me in a room with strangers and I will wilt. I am terribly awkward. But, in the end, I do want to be friends with others and get to know them better. I promise I'm worth it if you're willing to give me a little effort.

Okay, back on track here. My church community has been a great blessing. Even though I don't know many people they have nonetheless supported me through prayer, kind words, food, and my benefit. And I guess that's what the church does. It provides support and challenge (which of my SA friends wants to name the theorist here!). It gives me a place to grow, to learn, and ultimately to serve (oh, that's the mission of my church, so I guess it is fitting). And in the end, even when I feel bad, it is where I want to be.

In other news, Chad and I will officially be breaking up at 1:15pm on Monday, February 22. Making that appointment was extremely satisfying! Janice hasn't been bothering me as much lately, which I hope bodes well for how I will feel over the next several weeks! The end is so near. When I have another bad day, feel free to remind me of that!