Well friends, it has been awhile since I've posted anything. I actually wrote a post a few days ago but didn't like it. I realized that I was writing because other people wanted me to, not because I wanted to. So today I feel like writing again.

A lot has happened in the last ten days. I'm bald now. It was an interesting process, losing my hair. When it started to come out Joy cut it into a cute pixie. That lasted a few days, and then it really started to go. So, I had Troy shave my head one night in the garage while I sat on an overturned drywall bucket listening to Pearl Jam. I've been rocking some head scarves, hats, and of course my wig (named Sheila). I look pretty good, but I'm jealous of people with hair. Like when I'm driving and I see other women driving along I can't help but think Hey, lady, must be nice to have hair you big jerk. I want my hair back. I'm pissed it is gone. You can tell how good I look in whatever head covering I have on, but in the end I want my hair.

I had my second round of chemo and it went better this time. The nausea was much better controlled, which was a really good thing. I still struggled (oh, wait, I AM STILL struggling) with fatigue. Mornings are the worst. It is hard to get up and going, and then I get tired really quickly. I finally start to feel really good most days by about 2pm. Then I want to collapse by 8pm. I actually went to work every day this week, which I didn't fully realize until Jen pointed that out to me. I worked short days most days, and probably pushed myself a little too much, but I like my job. And being home can be lonely.

Speaking of lonely, cancer can be a very lonely place. I've had some really negative feelings this last week about it, but I'm coming back around to my positive self again. Basically, it comes down to this: I was overwhelmed with cards, messages, emails, meals and tons of support when I was first diagnosed and after my surgery. Since then these things have diminished significantly. People move on with their lives, and I completely understand that. Heck, I would do the same. But it left me feeling pretty sad. I have a few wonderful people in my life who have stayed on top of things with me, and for that I will forever be grateful. Now if you're reading this and start to feel bad about yourself, DON'T. I absolutely do not want to hear apologies. I completely understand that I cannot be the focus of your attention forever. I'm just letting you know what's been up with me.

Another interesting thing with chemo has been my reaction to food. I'm sure most of you are sick of hearing about how skinny I've gotten, but darn it I look ridiculous in my baggy clothes. You could fit a small dog in the butt of my jeans while I have them on. For about a week after chemo I force myself to eat whatever seems good (aka McDonald's bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits). Then, all of a sudden, my appetite comes back in a way that is scary. Yesterday I woke up absolutely starving. I had two bowls of cereal before work, then ate three lunches at work, and then ate about 2,000 calories worth of food at Crapplebee's for dinner. Today I ate a family size can of Spaghetti-o's by myself. Marah didn't get any. And that roast in the crock pot? I may eat the entire thing before Troy is done mowing the yard. In fact, I should probably go check on that roast about now...