God’s work in my life has been substantial over the last two
years. During cancer treatment I learned to rely on him through my suffering,
and in the end my suffering brought me closer to him. As chemo ended I started
to feel closer to some of the people in my church, but I wanted more. I
remember chatting with a church friend about not feeling as connected as I
wanted, and she got me in touch the ladies’ ministry team. I quickly went from
being the person who said that I would rather be shot than participate in
ladies’ events to being the one to help plan them. Never would I have thought
that I would attend the ladies’ retreat; sharing a hotel room (and bed!) with
other people is definitely not something I enjoy. But my longing to be with
other believers trumped my discomfort. I went from feeling a little like a
stranger at church to feeling like I belong (despite only having one kid in a
church full of big families!). I even read scripture during church services on
occasion. And sometimes I mess up terribly in front of the entire congregation,
but at that I simply smile and am grateful that I even am able to stand in
front of everyone at all. God has taken introverted, awkward me and has given
me wonderful opportunities to grow.
A cancer recurrence is in the back of my mind quite a bit of
the time. If it comes back I know I’ll be fine, but if I’m honest it is
something I really, really don’t want to go through again. A few weeks ago I had
to have another endometrial biopsy and it was SO painful. As I lay there on the
table afterward, pretty sure I was going to vomit on the floor, I felt a little
sorry for myself. Why do I have to be on this dumb medication that causes dumb
side effects that lead to painful biopsies? I know that it is a small price to
pay to keep the cancer from coming back, but sometimes it is frustrating. I was
complaining about my situation on one of my cancer Facebook groups, and another
survivor and dear friend reached out. She is a believer, and I trust her. We
had coffee, and discussed ways to help my body heal. I am hopeful for improved
health going forward.
And so, here I am, two years later. I took the day off work.
I have no real plans to celebrate, but I do intend to spend the day doing only
things that I enjoy. I will read, and take naps, and drink tea. I’m going to make
some food for a sick friend. I have a house project I want to work on. I’ll
think a little about this day two years ago, but it feels so far away. And that’s
a good thing.
